


Hold on to me (cause I'm a little unsteady)

by SnubbingApollo



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Canon Temporary Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-29
Updated: 2018-04-29
Packaged: 2019-04-29 22:16:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14482350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SnubbingApollo/pseuds/SnubbingApollo
Summary: Vax hasn’t slept. He’d tried, but he’d kept thinking of Percy, cold and unmoving on the ground.





	Hold on to me (cause I'm a little unsteady)

**Author's Note:**

> I needed a little schmoop after all the angst I've been writing. Apparently this is as close as I get lmao
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

Vax hasn’t slept. He’d tried, but he’d kept thinking of Percy, cold and unmoving on the ground. He’d seen him fall every time he’d closed his eyes, the pain on his face as he’d stumbled backwards and collapsed, the look he’d had when he’d hit the ground. He’d had the look of a man accepting the inevitable as if it was a foregone conclusion that he’d die there, murdered by the ghosts of his past.

Vax had had to see him. To reassure himself that the man was whole and safe.

So he was here now, in Percy’s room, lying on his bed and watching the moonlight from the window play across his pale skin and paler hair. His mind wanders as he watches the man breathe. He thinks about the way Percy had looked when he’d laid eyes on Ripley. His hands had shaken at the sight of her. Percy is a sharpshooter, he can shoot the wings off a _fly_. His hands never shake. But they’d had a noticeable tremble during the fight. It had affected his aim, even.

It strikes him that he doesn’t know much about what had happened between them, aside from the fact that she’d helped murder his parents and had held him prisoner for some time before leaving him to die in his cell. Percy hadn’t wanted to speak about it and the state he’d been in when they’d found him…

It had been easy enough to fill in the blanks but now Vax finds himself wishing he had more information. That he could give Percy some kind of comfort. Some kind of _peace_.

Percy _looks_ peaceful right now, his face relaxed in sleep. Vax had been worried he’d have nightmares. He didn’t know much about things like magic and demons but Keyleth had said Orthax had… _had_ him. His _soul_. Vax doesn’t have to know details to know that that can’t have been good. Percy had talked about… _feeling_ him and Vax hadn’t liked the sound of the words _or_ his voice when he’d said them. He’d come out of the ritual exhausted and sore and _dazed_. Vex hadn’t been like that. She hadn’t even known what had happened. It could have been from the amount of time he’d been gone (and _Vax_ was going to have nightmares for a long time about sleeping next to Percy’s corpse. About the sight of his limp body hanging over Grog’s shoulder like a sack of so many _potatoes_ ) but he’d be shocked if whatever Orthax had been _doing_ with Percy’s soul hadn’t had something to do with it.

Vax swallows hard, trying to drive the images from his mind and focus on the sight of the man in front of him, of his slow easy breaths. He reaches out, brushing Percy’s cheek with his fingers, taking in the warmth of his skin. The man shifts under his touch letting out a soft sigh and pressing closer to Vax. It’s the first time he’s _moved_ since Vax came in the room and he must be _so_ exhausted. Vax should leave and let him rest but he can’t bear to take his eyes off him for even a second, an irrational fear filling him that if he looks away, Percy’s soft, even breaths might stop and when Vax looked back he’d be a corpse again.

Vax presses closer, wrapping an arm around Percy and pressing his forehead against the other man’s. How long had it been since they’d touched at all? Vax winces when he realizes it was when he’d _punched_ Percy after he’d confessed to being the one that had set off the trap that’d killed Vex. His chest aches at the thought. Percy could have _died_ and that would have been the last time they’d touched. Percy could have _died_ thinking he was still angry. The thought is like one of his own daggers buried in his chest.

He makes a soft noise, pressing closer and squeezing his eyes shut. Percy shifts against him again and he opens his eyes to see Percy’s staring back at him, bleary with sleep and farsightedness.

“Vax?” the other man asks and his words are slurred with how tired he is. Fuck, he hadn’t meant to wake him.

“Yeah,” Vax says quietly. “It’s just me, Freddie. Go back to sleep.” Percy blinks and a small smile spreads across his face.

“Freddie?” he asks and Vax realizes with another spike of pain how _long_ it’s been since he called him that. _Stupid_. WIth the lives they live, anything could happen and he’d just let their friendship fall apart like it didn’t matter.

“Yeah,” he breathes again and he’s so _bad_ at this. He never knows what to say when it really matters. Percy turns more fully onto his side wrapping an arm around Vax’s waist to match Vax’s hold on him.

“What happened?” he asks tiredly. “Everything alright?” Vax nods and tries a smile of his own. It feels shaky and fragile and he’s happy that he’s close enough to Percy’s face that he’ll have trouble making out the details of it without his glasses.

“Fine,” he murmurs and has to hold down another wince. Percy might not be able to see his smile shaking but he’ll certainly _hear_ his voice doing the same. “I just needed to see you.”

Percy makes a soft sound, tightening his arm around him.

“I’m alright, Vax,” he says and Vax closes his eyes helplessly. Percy’s always been able to do that. Read between the lines of Vax’s bullshit to exactly what he wasn’t saying, _couldn’t_ say.

“I know,” he breathes. “I just- I needed to see.”

They’re pressed close now, bodies flush against each other, practically breathing each other’s _air_ but Vax still doesn’t feel close enough. He isn’t sure he could ever be close enough, but the feel of Percy warm and safe and _alive_ next to him is certainly a good start.

“Can I stay?” he asks softly, “I know you need your rest but I need to-” I need to watch you sleep? That’s so _creepy_. If Scanlan were here he’d never let Vax live this down.

Percy nods and their noses brush in a way that makes Vax think of kissing. Makes him realize they’re close enough that they could _be_ kissing if they wanted.

“Could you hear us?” he asks suddenly. “When we spoke to you during the ritual?” There’s a long pause before Percy nods. Vax swallows hard.

“I’m sorry I didn’t say anything. I didn’t...”

“It’s alright-,” Percy starts but Vax cuts him off.

“It’s not,” he says quietly. “I just- nothing felt like _enough_.”

“It’s _alright_ , Vax-”

“I should have called you Freddie,” Vax chokes out. “I should have told you that I wasn’t angry anymore because I’m _not_. You could have _died_ without knowing that.”

Vax’s eyes are stinging and he realizes he’s tearing up. Squeezing his eyes shut again only sends one trailing down his cheek and Percy makes a soft noise, reaching up and wiping it away with his thumb.

“I didn’t die,” he says and Vax shakes his head.

“Why are _you_ trying to make _me_ feel better?” he asks with a weak laugh. “I’m pretty sure the person who died is supposed to be the one getting comforted.”

Percy’s hand leaves his cheek to slide into his hair and it feels so _right_. Vax leans into it.

“I don’t think there _are_ rules for this sort of thing,” Percy murmurs and Vax gives another weak laugh. Percy joins him and before they know it they’ve both collapsed into nonsensical laughter, high on the fact that they’re both here and alive and safe.

Vax opens his eyes when the room’s fallen silent again, his arm leaving Percy’s waist so he can brush his own thumb over the other man’s cheekbone. He stares at him like the sight of him whole and safe can erase the memory of him falling over and _over_. Of Ripley and her goons knocking him out again no matter how many times they healed him and how many potions they shoved down his throat. Of the necklace Pike had given him bringing him back once just for him to fall to the ground motionless and unbreathing again bare minutes later.

“I’m _alright_ ,” Percy says again. He must have seen something on Vax’s face, and Vax can’t- He’s leaning in before he can think about it, closing the bare space between them to press their lips together. Percy makes a noise of surprise against him and there’s a moment where the man seems frozen but just as Vax begins to think he’s overstepped Percy _moans_ and presses into the contact, his lips parting to deepen it. Vax moves to bury his hand in Percy’s hair, clutching at him and pressing as close as he can. It’s not close enough.

Their kiss tastes of desperation and Vax suspects that’s mostly his fault but he can’t help it. He’d almost lost Percy without ever knowing the taste of him and he wants to _smother_ himself in the man, commit every inch of him to memory so he never risks losing him again. 

At some point, Vax has no idea when, they’d ended up with Percy lying on his back and Vax atop him, pressing him down into the sheets. Both the man’s hands are in his hair now and his grip is light in a way that Vax hopes has more to do with the man’s own desires than the lack of strength in his hands but he suspects that’s not the case.

“ _Freddie_.” He breathes the name against Percy’s lips and the man makes a punch-drunk noise beneath him, arching weakly against him for a moment before falling back against the sheets

“I don’t think I can…” Percy trails off and Vax shakes his head. When he speaks his words are chopped and halting, unwilling to pull away from Percy’s lips even long enough to get a full sentence out.

“That’s alright. This is... enough. Just... just let me... kiss you."

Percy moans again beneath him and despite what Vax just said he wants _more_ of that. He wants to know what Percy sounds like when he’s being given more than just kisses. When he’s out of his _mind_ with pleasure. He wants to make Percy’s hands shake with something other than fear and rage.

“ _Fuck_ ,” Percy breathes, pressing up again briefly. “Vax. _Vax’ildan_.” The sound of his name, his _full_ name, on Percy’s lips in that tone is _incendiary_ and Vax has to pull back, panting for breath.

“You’re so _fucking_ gorgeous,” he gasps and Percy laughs in a way that Vax _doesn’t_ like. 

“Have you ever _seen_ yourself?” he asks and that soft smile is on his face again. It’s so beautiful and Vax wants to put it there every _day_.

“Take your compliments, Freddie,” Vax says firmly and Percy’s cheeks go red in a way that fills Vax’s mind with possibilities. “Do you like that? Me telling you what to do?” Percy’s eyes go foggy for a moment and he lets out a noise of frustration.

“You’re really making me wish I wasn’t dead this morning,” he says with a soft laugh and Vax _growls_ to hear him talk about that so _casually_. Percy’s eyes go foggy again and he shivers beneath him.

_So_ many possibilities.

“We have time, Freddie,” he murmurs, leaning back down and kissing him again. “I promise, once you’re all better I’ll spend an entire _day_ telling you what to do. Over and over and _over_.”

He smirks against Percy’s lips when the man shivers beneath him again a sharp noise escaping him.

“I’m holding you to that,” he breathes and Vax grins, nipping at Percy’s lower lip gently. He rests their foreheads together again and takes a moment to catch his breath.

“Don’t ever do that again,” he says eventually and Percy shifts beneath him, his fingers stroking through Vax’s hair in what is probably an attempt to soothe him. It works more or less.

“You know I can’t promise that,” Percy says softly and Vax could _cry_ again. “The lives we lead-”

“Lie to me then,” Vax interrupts him. “Please, I just need to hear it.” There’s a few moments pause and then Percy shifts so he’s nuzzling Vax’s cheek.

“I will never leave you again,” he says firmly. “Not without one hell of a fight.” Vax smiles helplessly. Couldn't lie to him even when he _asked_ him to.

“I’ll hold you to that,” Vax tells him and it’s Percy’s turn to laugh. The sound is so beautiful Vax could spend the rest of his life listening to it.

“Can I stay?” he asks again.

“Of _course_ , Vax. I’ll sleep better with you here.”

Vax shifts so they’re in a more comfortable position for sleeping. If that means his head is resting on Percy’s chest right over his heart where he can listen to every beat and be constantly reminded that the man is _here_ and _alive_ , well… Percy doesn’t call him on it. He just strokes gently through Vax’s hair as they both drift off to sleep.


End file.
